Publish or perish. I am sure I have heard that phrase before the movie D.O.A with Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan but when I hear that line I am always drawn to the central theme of that film, publish or perish. That is a daunting thought, people existing with their lives tied to a page, even people that live by the words of others written on them. Religion, self help books, a framed rectangular piece of paper from an institution hanging on a wall behind glass and a cheaply made wooden frame that says, “You are good enough.”
I don’t live by the page. There is nothing better than lying back with a paper back novel and feeling the coarse, cheap pages and ink on the tips of your thumbs or the weight of a hard cover as you struggle to hold it up against sleep and weary arms but I don’t live by the page. I have a passion for them but they aren’t my life. They are only a part of my being as a whole. I am not discounting people that have that need, that fire. I know great people that burn with that passion.
I have never sought to monetize my words. I suspect most story tellers don’t. I have always said that I don’t fancy myself as an artist or an author. I imagine myself more as an idea man or a plot engine. I have a horrific sense of what interpersonal dialogue might sound like but I think I am pretty apt at setting up the course between finish to end. So now I am plotting 2014. This year was filled with the best days of my life and the darkest circles of random hell. As a friend termed it once, the nine year cycle. I am also tied to the number nine in numerology.
This year I will publish or perish. This is the open letter to myself. This year I have set a path to follow.
C. A. Ostrout 